Driving Lessons
by FailingDemi
Summary: The day when Tamaki loudly proclaimed that he’ll learn how to drive a car was the chauffer's day of hell. -Ohz Teh CRACK!- TamaHika. Rated T for language.


The day when Tamaki loudly proclaimed that he'll learn how to drive a car was the chauffer's day of hell.

* * *

"Yosh, starting from this day forward, I shall learn how to drive a car!" an energetic blonde huffed as he stood proudly upon the dinner table with fluffy pink slippers. Everyone halted in their acts and stared at him with wide eyes. Well, they were quite used to his eccentricity, no doubt, but they were only staring because he was still in his pajamas. And many would probably think that he was sleepwalking.

In the background: "Tamaki-sama, get off the plate of eggs!"

In a fluid moment, Tamaki did an excellent back flip from the dinner table and landed onto the carpeted ground. The eggs went squish and the maids went: Ew, but of course it's only squished eggs, how bad is that? He brushed a hand through his dazzling blonde tresses, allowing the silky soft hair to glide across his equally soft hands.

Tamaki jabbed a delicate finger at his chauffer who was by then unfortunately caught victim to this lad's outlandish schemes. After all, this poor chauffer was only sneaking out the back door, hoping to go unnoticed. The strange boy glided towards this chauffer and wrapped his arms around this man's shoulders, his eyes going freakishly sparkly.

"Oh, my honorable chauffer, I awoke today with this plan in order to capture the heart of my beautiful crush! I have found this dazzling place where I'd like to drive to with my dear beloved, and I want to go alone…without a chauffer! Thus I can proclaim my love for this one individual!"

'…then why the hell do you need me for?' the ungrateful man wanted to mumble. Tamaki shutted him up by flouncing his hand in the hair majestically. "You will teach me how to drive a car, thus I can receive my license and arrive at the point of the location! (Of course alone with my other match!)"

"Uhm…Tamaki-sama…are you…sleepwalking?"

Eyes shone like the noonday sun, and Tamaki clenched his fists determinedly. Crying out with fire stoking his strength, he said: "NAY, I AM NOT WALKING IN MY SLEEP, MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!"

He spun around and hugged himself.

"Only a blundering fool would do such a thing—!" He put hands to his face and gasped. "Omigod. Maybe I _am_ sleepwalking!"

"Have you noticed that _you're_ the blundering fool?" the chauffer deadpanned.

"Oh what—me?"

"I dare not agree," he said in complete monotony, as he watched the blonde dance along the carpeted floors of the second Suoh Mansion.

"Chauffer, we shall start the lessons today!"

"Yes, Tamaki-sama."

"After breakfast!" Tamaki said, as he elegantly and briskly walked towards the stares. The chauffer stared at him.

"Yes, yes…"

"_Right_ after breakfast!"

"…okay, whatever you say, Tamaki-sama." Said person sluggishly started to climb the stairs and the chauffer raised his eyebrows at him. After a moment, he called out with a vein on his head, "Where the heck are you going?"

The blonde yawned, once and then another time, before snapping shut his mouth. He trudged upstairs and muttered, "Tired…need…sleep…"

Silence.

Slam.

An audible snore floated from the upper stairs.

The chauffer sighed and scratched his head. 'It seems like I, Weru Yoshiwa dubbed as Yoshi-moshi by Tamaki-sama, must teach a fool to drive…'

There was silence as Yoshi-moshi sighed terribly as he hung his head in shame and self-pity.

'Hell…'

* * *

Yoshiwa had no idea how he ended up being in the passenger seat besides a blonde psycho maniac. Tamaki was energetically tapping the leather-wrapped steering wheel with his fingers and his feet experimentally pushed at the pedals below.

"Okay, Yoshi-moshi, what do I have to do?" he asked, as he settled himself deep into the seat where the chauffer used to seat. Yoshiwa quickly glanced at Tamaki who had his tongue stuck out slightly as he fiddled around with the small buttons at the front.

"Put on your seat—"

Bzzzzz—

"WOAH! THE SEAT'S VIBRATING!"

Out of impatience, the chauffer slapped Tamaki's hand from the button. "LISTEN YOU!"

Zzzzz—

"…Yes…?" Tamaki asked as the vibrating died down. Yoshiwa massaged his pounding head and sighed deeply. He jabbed at the very innocent Tamaki. "Seatbelt is the number one thing you have to put on." Tamaki obediently put on his seatbelt. "Check the rear mirrors." Tamaki toggled it. "And then you have to take deep breaths—"

"Can I drive already? Can I drive? Can I? Can I?"

"No, not yet," he answered as patiently as he could. Although his patience was running dry, Tamaki was really being annoying that he should be screaming and tearing his hair out already. "Did you take deep breaths?" Tamaki shook his head. "GAH. TAKE DEEP BREATHS!"

And in went the air, and then it went out.

"When are we gonna clock 1 mph?" Tamaki asked excitedly, almost bouncing up and down in his seat. He slapped his hands onto the wheel and said with a grin, "I'm ready already! Yoshi-moshi, teach me how to drive!"

"PUT A CORK IN IT!"

Tamaki's foot slammed against the pedal. The car jerked forward at 70 mph and smashed into the door of the second Suoh Mansion garage, setting off the airbags. The air bags blew up in their faces and deflated with a low-hiss.

The blonde blinked.

The chauffer blinked.

The blonde smiled: "Woah…that was _awesome_."

The chauffer started to steam: "Tamaki-sama…when I mean put a cork in it, I don't mean to slam your foot to the pedal and lurch us towards the windshield. _No_!"

"Oh, hey, Yoshi-moshi," Tamaki said, one hundred percent distracted from Yoshiwa's scoldings. The chauffer snapped slightly and his eye twitched disturbingly.

"What?"

"Look! The windows are wiping themselves! Isn't that amazing?"

He slammed his head into the dashboard.

"This will be along day…indeed…"

* * *

"Milord, where the hell are we going?"

"I have a surprise, Hikaru!" Tamaki declared as he grabbed at the younger boy's hand. Hikaru only stared, unimpressed, at his sempai's back. He was led out to the front of the Hitachiin gates, and Tamaki whisked his hands to the sleek black compact and smirked. "Wah-la!"

Hikaru stared boringly.

"Well? Well?"

The light-brown headed boy sighed deeply and muttered, "Oh joy. A brand new car. What I really wanted, especially when I can't drive. Thanks for the gift, milord. Now get out of my face—" Hikaru turned to leave. "I have much better things to do."

"No! It's not yours!" Hikaru stopped and tossed a disbelieving glance at the half-French boy. "I-I mean…" Tamaki fumbled as he twiddled with his thumbs. "I…I'd like to bring you somewhere, Hikaru!"

The Hitachiin stubbornly crossed his arms, and stared at the blonde's deep azure eyes. "…and what makes you think that I want to go to this 'somewhere'?"

"It's a surprise!" Tamaki blurted out. Hikaru blinked and then turned back towards the house.

"Wait a moment, let me get Hikaru—" he mumbled, as he began to scurry back towards the large house. A hand snagged his arm quickly and he was pulled towards the car. He was thrown into the passenger's seat and immediately strapped there with a strangely infinite amount of seatbelts.

Hikaru blinked and stared speechlessly at the teen that towered over him. "W-What the hell, milord—"

"Nay! You're Hikaru! Stop making excuses, and just come with me!" Tamaki declared boldly, as he slammed shut the door to the passenger seat. Hikaru wordlessly watched his upperclassman stroll over to the driver's side.

He opened the door and plopped down. At this point Hikaru's eyes widened:

"WTF? Where's your chauffer?"

Tamaki jutted his finger at the back: "In the trunk."

"WHY THE HELL IS HE IN THE TRUNK?"

"Cus there's only two seats," Tamaki truthfully replied. Hikaru turned glum and slowly joined his hands together. He bowed his head and prayed: 'Kami…save me from this maniac. I suppose that murdering his best friend wasn't enough, so he came after me.'

"Okay…seatbelt, check! Rear mirrors, check! Deep breath—" Tamaki breathed in and breathed out. "Okay, check!"

Hikaru stared at him curiously.

"AUTOMATIC SEAT VIBRATOR!"

Bzzzzzzzz—

Hikaru's eyes became wide, as the seat underneath his vibrated suddenly.

Zzz—

"Okay! Check!" Tamaki replied, as he flicked the switch and the seat calmed down. He gave a glance towards Hikaru who had clung onto the side of the passenger door for support. "Ehehe, nice feature, eh? What's the matter? You look like a scared kitty!"

"Just pipe down and drive!" Hikaru huffed crankily as he sat back into the seat, crossing his arms across his chest. Tamaki gave a salute and grabbed the wheel with both of his arms, and he grinned wickedly.

"Hikaru, you're so going to love this!" he said, as he readied his foot.

Hikaru boringly swept his eyes towards Tamaki and asked: "Wha—"

SCREEECH

And an inhumanely scream rang out, as the car sped down the road.

* * *

Hikaru clung to the seatbelt for dear life and he was frozen to his seat—no practically glued to it.

"BAKABAKABAKABAKA!" he yelled, as if the chant would shoo away the terror that deeply implanted into his gut. Hikaru's voice reached a terrified squeak: "MILORD, WATCH OUT!"

_Screech_

"AIYA! I CAN'T AVOID IT, HIKARU! THERE ARE KIDS ON THE ROAD!" the driver cried, as he rapidly twisted the wheel.

"YOU IDIOT, THAT'S THE PLAYGROUND!" Hikaru screeched, clawing at the door handle to find a firm grip.

_BEEEEEEEEEP_

"MILORD! ARE YOU EVEN LICENSED?"

"YEP!" Tamaki cheerily replied before he twisted the wheel suddenly.

The Hitachiin slammed against the car door in an instant as the car swerved another corner. Miraculously, there weren't any police cars chasing them down. (Miraculously.) When he threw a glance at the mad driver, he almost screamed when he saw that instead of concentrating on dodging trees and old people, Tamaki was trying to figure out how a map worked—

The poor boy in the passenger seat lurched forward and then got swung to the far side. His hazel eyes snapped open and grew wide. He grabbed Tamaki's head and jerked it in a direction. "WATCH THE ROAD, IDIOT!"

"But the maaaap!" Tamaki whined before something whacked him from underneath his chin.

His elbow jabbed at several buttons—

BZZZZ—

"TAMAKI NOT NOW!" Hikaru roared as the seat started to shiver violently. The window wipers started to screech dryly against the parched glass of the windshield, and the scrape of the windshield wipers made the younger teen snap.

"GAH! YOU SUCK! MOVE ASIDE!" Hikaru yelled as he reached his arms over to the steering wheel, completely taking the car out from Tamaki's control. Strangely, the car got back under control, but was speeding continually.

Something flew onto the windshield—

Tamaki's eyes widened and he whined, "Aww, the bird crapped on—"

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE BIRD SHIT."

The car sped dangerously down a lane full of birds, and Hikaru swore continuously, all the while trying to push the annoying blonde off him.

WHACK

"STOP PUTTING SO MUCH PRESSURE ON THE PEDAL!"

"Oh!"

Screeeeeeeeech

Hikaru jerked towards the dashboard and Tamaki's pesky hands got back onto the wheel. A gleeful look crossed over Tamaki's face and the car started to resume its speed quickly, "Ara! We're close!"

_Beeeep_

"TAMA_KI_!"

* * *

"Aaand here we are!" Tamaki proclaimed, as the car came to a sudden stop. The poor Hitachiin was practically hanging out from his seat; his seatbelt was abused to no end from all the swings and jerks. The oblivious teen pushed the red button of his seatbelt and immediately got out of the car.

Hikaru mumbled a vow to kill his stupid sempai, as he also did the same thing. Hikaru kicked open the door grumpily and before he could stand up from the seat himself, a hand wrapped around his arm and pulled him out from the car.

Another arm encircled his waist and Hikaru was pulled into a hug. "Hikaru! I have something to confess!" Hikaru's eyebrow twitched against the soft cloth of his upperclassman's shirt. He moved his arm slightly and—

"OW!"

"You idiot!" Hikaru grumbled as he pushed Tamaki away suddenly. The Hitachiin glared at the blonde who was holding his stomach painfully. He rubbed at the minor scratches and bruises on his arms, neck, and face. "Milord, after having me tossed around in the freaking confines of your stupid car, do you think I'll really listen?"

There was silence.

"I'm very…sorry, Hikaru…maybe I don't really know how to drive a car…" Tamaki sighed as he turned around dejectedly. Hikaru's eyebrows rose slightly and he turned to look at the second-year. "Very sorry…I just wanted to tell you something here."

Hikaru frowned slightly, and he watched as the blonde sat at the curb and sniffled. He wordlessly scratched the back of his neck and skimmed around trying to find something break the odd silence. The wind rustled his hair slightly, and the brown-haired teen looked at the view that was provided from where he stood.

"…It's a nice view up here…?" Hikaru muttered slightly as he pocketed his hands. "Hey…milord?"

"…just then…" Tamaki said, his words barely slipping past his lips. Hikaru cocked his head slightly and stared in confusion.

"What?"

It was a brief moment, yet Hikaru could see a small flash of red located on Tamaki's cheeks. And he was definitely sure that it wasn't a perverted fantasy that spurred on the blush. Tamaki said, "You…called me by my first name."

"W-Well," Hikaru stammered as he looked away stubbornly. "You were driving stupidly! Two syllables of 'milord' isn't enough to stress…you know…"

There was slight silence, and Tamaki turned around slightly on the ledge he was sitting on. He smiled at Hikaru, which made him unexpectedly blush. "Hikaru, what I'd like to tell you is that I—"

BAM.

"AIR! AIR!"

"Uh…and I suppose that this is the chauffer?" Hikaru asked, raising his eyebrow at the car. Tamaki deflated slightly. The man in his black dress suit climbed out from the trunk of the car, and patted the wrinkles of his pants professionally.

He crossed his arms and breathed in deeply, before exploding: "TAMAKI-SAMA! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL EVER LET YOU DRIVE! I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN LET SOMEONE LIKE YOU DRIVE AROUND WITHOUT A PERMIT! SURE, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO DRIVE WITH ADULT SUPERVISION, BUT YOU NEVER. EVER TOSS YOUR SUPERVISOR INTO THE BACK SEAT OF THE—"

-hic.

Yoshiwa froze and Hikaru blinked curiously.

"…uh…Tamaki-sama?"

The Hitachiin turned slightly to see Tamaki rubbing his eyes furiously. In a moment, the blonde was wailing: "WAHHH! YOSHI-MOSHI! YOU CUT INTO MY SENTENCE! HIKA-CHAN WOULD SURELY REJECT ME!"

Hikaru blinked stupidly.

'Hika-chan…?'

Yoshiwa blinked and then looked at Hikaru.

"You mean him?" the chauffer asked, his eyes growing wide. Tamaki nodded meekly. There was awkward silence. "You mean…this…young man…?"

Nod, nod.

"…this young _man_. You _love_ this young m-man…?"

Hikaru's face exploded with red, and he staggered back weakly. Using his forearm to cover his mad blush, he sputtered, "…Milord, you…_love_ me?"

"EEEE! HIKARU'S GONNA REJECT ME!" Tamaki screamed, as he embarrassedly covered his face with both of his hands. "I CAN'T STAND TO WATCH!"

The Hitachiin's face exploded suddenly with read, and he immediately whipped around towards the car. Hastily, he climbed back into the car, and in a loud declaration, he said, "I—I'm going home!"

"W-Wait, Hikaru!" Tamaki cried, as he jumped up and grabbed the door from slamming. "I—I really—"

"What's the guy's name again? Yoshi-moshi!" Hikaru continued on, barging into Tamaki's sentence. Said chauffer jerked at the name. In a swift movement, Hikaru grabbed the chauffer and flung him inside through the passenger seat and in front of the wheel. "Can you drive me home, please?"

Yoshiwa rubbed his sore head and watched Hikaru struggle to close the door. "…why's that?"

"I remember that I have something to do!" the first-year answered, as he forced the door close, despite Tamaki's struggles. The blonde now began to pound onto the door, trying to open it— "HURRY!"

"Yeah, but Tamaki-sama—"

"Who gives a damn about him?"

"…someone needs to go into the trunk."

There was silence, and Hikaru sighed. Quickly, he kicked the door open, bashing Tamaki's face with the door. In a rash shove, Tamaki was thrown into the passenger seat and the door slammed after him. "Fine! I'll sit in the trunk," Hikaru grumbled before walking to the back of the car. He stared at the cramped space in disgust, but it was better than sitting with the blonde idiot.

* * *

"Yoshi-moshi…why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you interrupt me?"

There was silence, and the chauffer tossed a glance at Tamaki who was biting at the seatbelt strap. Yoshiwa sighed and muttered sarcastically, "Why, oh, why did you lock me in the trunk in the first place?"

"There were only two seats!"

"I know," he deadpanned.

The Suoh went back to biting the strap.

"…if you want to listen, Tamaki-sama…you're an idiot…and conceited one as well," Yoshiwa sighed. "Your stupidity and conceitedness has gone too far, and now…you have failed from doing whatever you've been doing. Too conceited with yourself that you spent half the day of me teaching you staring at the mirror. God, how annoying."

There was silence on Tamaki's part.

"…maybe I should've brought a jug of maple syrup."

A vein popped.

"…dammit, listen to me, will you?"


End file.
